Time to get deep...

Its time I share something with you all.... 

I wasn't always THIS happy. 

I mean I've always been a HAPPY person...but I wasn't always here. 


A picture hopped up on my Time Hop today ( an app that shows you old posts/pictures from that day, this is sometimes a good thing or a bad? LOL depends what pops up! HAHA
Anyway a picture from 6 years ago from Vegas with some of my girlfriends popped up. I can remember that trip like it was yesterday! Although I had a great time! I was in a BAD place in life. I wasn't sure where I was headed career wise, my relationship at the time wasn't the best. I HATED my body & I was having TONS and TONS of stomach issues, but overall. I was miserable, DONT get me wrong thank goodness Ive always had amazing family & friends <3 


I would cover it up with Binge drinking ( I would drink a lot of shots fast, get drunk- and than be miserable the rest of the night LOL ) not really fun, I smoked cigarettes, ate crappy/awful food, got 0 sleep since my job hours were all over the place...and really lets face it? Stress levels were at an all time HIGH! I know some of you were thinking, oh you were in your early 20s that is what you are supposed to do! - WRONG, so VERY VERY wrong. Go out with your friends & have a good time? Party? YES...but what I was doing was wrong! 
Most of my earlier childhood - I was bullied for my weight (it was awful.... ) but it made me stronger. I never ONCE thought id EVER say that I am here helping other people lose weight & feel good about themselves! I NEVER EVER thought I would be TRAINING for a half marathon?! LIFTING weights!? WHHHHAT?

Are there days I still want to curl up into a ball and cry because I don't 'see' what i want to see YET. YOU FREAKIN betcha! BUT I KNOW FOR DAMN SURE I KNOW WHERE I AM & HOW FAR IVE CAME.

 
I am no longer that girl who stamps her feet and runs away ........( OK maybe I am a little bit ;) HAHA ) BUT its getting better ;) I am NO longer that girl who LETS peoples words CONTROL her. I am happy with my life, so VERY happy & I think thats where it REALLY TRULY starts. YOU have to LOVE yourself before ANYTHING else in life gets better. The summer of 2009 I spent A LOT of time WITH MYSELF- GETTING TO KNOW ME (AMANDA) WHO I WAS, WHAT I LIKED/WHAT I LOVED. It was the BEST summer- because that summer I fell in love with myself & at the end of it- the Amazing Jeff came along <3 The winter of 2013 I needed to find myself again & I needed to fall in love with myself again...sometimes when we love someone else, we lose sight of WHO WE ARE & I couldn't give him the BEST of me, if I wasn't the BEST of MYSELF. 

ADVOCARE and a CAMERA changed my life. I was able to feel good again. Jeff was along my side the entire time..to share the journey with me <3 at 28 I FIGURED OUT WHAT MY PURPOSE in life was. 


Ive heard people make negative comments about people who call a 'weightloss journey' a JOURNEY. Well my friends, thats because it IS. 
Its a STRUGGLE. EVERY S I N G L E day but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

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